my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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