my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
