East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
