If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
