Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
