i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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