I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
