im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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