The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
