I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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