The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
