Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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