I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
