Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
