i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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