he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
