i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
