So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
