Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
