Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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