my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
