Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How naked do you want me to be?
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