i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
