I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
