Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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