so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
