i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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