There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
