well I can't set my house on fire every night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
