Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
