mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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