I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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