I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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