happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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