I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
