so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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