I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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