I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
