sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
