New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
