I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
