Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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