and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
