I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
