dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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