just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
