I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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