Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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