I wanna bring you to show and tell
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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