I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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