peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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