Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
