dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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